Aloy/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn)

This excerpt is from Chapter 8 of Shadow of the Stormbird, my fic where Aloy and Nil are (temporarily!) broken up, but off on a mission together. Because of course they are. 

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The Utaru governor left Aloy and Nil in the care of the innkeeper with a promise to meet them in the morning, and the innkeeper led Aloy and Nil to their room.

Their single room, with one bed.

Clearly Ilya had gotten the impression that they were a couple. Aloy turned to the innkeeper to sort out the confusion, but Nil took her arm. “Leave it, Suntress. These people have enough to deal with. Besides, you wouldn’t dare impose on them, would you?” He smirked as he tugged her into the room.

Aloy muttered resentfully to herself but allowed Nil to pull her inside and close the door behind them. Immediately Nil kicked off his sandals and removed his weapons, then pulled off his vest.

Aloy flushed as an instinctive roar of lust ripped through her body. Nil removing his clothes had always meant ecstasy for her, but now that he was forbidden fruit, it was nothing but torture. She bit her lip and turned away from him, then slowly arranged her weapons neatly against the wall as she stalled for time.

Finally, when her cheeks had cooled to a normal temperature, she turned back towards the bed, and another wave of desire pooled between her legs. Nil was stretched out on the bed wearing only his silk trousers. His arms were folded comfortably behind his head, emphasizing the bulge of his biceps and the sweet expanse of his bronzed chest. His knees were spread, with one leg dangling lazily off the side of the bed, and Aloy’s treacherous eyes snagged on the bulge between his thighs.

Bloody Metal Devil spit and fire, Aloy cursed bad-temperedly to herself as her blood sang in response to his mostly-naked body. That insidious little voice in her head was back, telling her pointedly that Avad had never elicited this kind of mindless, exquisite lust in her, and why would she settle for second best if she could have first?

Aloy clenched her jaw and walked stiffly over to the bed, then pulled the pillow out from under Nil’s head. “What was that for?” Nil protested.

Aloy didn’t answer. She poked around in a chest in the corner of the room and pulled out a blanket, then began arranging the blanket and pillow on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Nil drawled, sounding utterly amused.

Aloy clenched her teeth so hard they ground together painfully. “I’m going to sleep. Good night.” She placed the metal lid on the small oil candle that lit the room, leaving the room dark except for the moonlight shining in through the window. That’s better. Now I don’t have to look at him, she thought grimly. She knelt on her makeshift pallet and took off her belt pouch, then sat and took off her sandals, all the while studiously ignoring him.

“You’re being ridiculous. Come share the bed.” Nil’s mocking voice pierced the darkness. “It’s very comfortable. And I know how much you like a cozy blanket.”

Aloy glared at him. He was right. She did like cozy blankets when she had the opportunity to sleep indoors. But that wasn’t the point. “No. It’s not right.”

“Come on, Suntress, get over here. I promise I won’t do anything that precious Avad wouldn’t like.”

This stilled her, and she felt a pang of guilt. It was the first time since they’d left Meridian that Nil had made any reference to her relationship with Avad.

But strangely, the pang of guilt she felt wasn’t for Avad. It was for Nil. Aloy suddenly felt bad for him. He’d made it clear that he still loved her, but she was with Avad now, and she couldn’t even give Nil the courtesy of chastely sharing accommodations with him?

The sudden awkwardness finally got Aloy to cave in. “All right. Fine,” she conceded with ill grace. She picked up the pillow from the floor and tossed it onto the far side of the bed.

The bed was pushed against the wall, and Nil was reclined on the side of the bed farther from the wall. After removing her Carja vest and tassets, Aloy had to crawl gingerly over him to her side of the bed. She prayed that he couldn’t feel the heat emanating from between her legs as she briefly straddled his knees.

Once she was on the bed, she squished herself against the wall and turned on her side so she wasn’t facing him. “Good night,” she muttered.

Nil sighed loudly. “Fire and blood, woman, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack. Relax. I’m a perfect gentleman. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.” Then he chuckled… a low, sensual sound that poured along Aloy’s skin like an electric shock and brought her nipples to painful attention.

“Nil,” she hissed, “Stop it with the innuendo. I’m with Avad now. You can’t keep trying to win me over like it’s a competition. I’m not a prize to be won.”

The bed shifted as Nil turned on his side to face her, and his deep, sardonic voice was closer to her as he replied. “Why do you always use this analogy, Suntress? I know you’re not an object. You’re the most stubbornly willful person I’ve ever met. Nobody could ever own you.”

Her cheeks flushed with pleasure at this comment, but she remained curled on her side like a question mark. “Fine. But you still have to lay off. It’s not right to keep… having these discussions. It’s not fair.”

“I don’t understand why not,” Nil insisted. “I know you don’t love him.”

Aloy swallowed hard, then finally she sat up and shuffled backwards so her back was against the head of the bed. She wrapped her arms around her knees. “You don’t know that,” she said firmly.

“I do,” Nil said with supreme confidence. He rolled onto his back again, his arms tucked under his head as he glanced up at her. “I can tell from your face. I can tell from watching your body. I know what your love looks like.”

Aloy was quiet for a long time. Then Nil’s sleepy voice broke through the darkness again. “He doesn’t love you either.”

This surprised Aloy, and she glanced at him. His eyes were closed and he looked completely relaxed. In a quiet voice, Aloy said, “You can’t possibly know that. You’ve hardly spent five minutes around him since coming back to Meridian. What makes you think you know how Avad feels?”

Nil yawned widely. Then, in a drowsy voice, he murmured, “I just know. He might share your bed, but his reach is shallow. He doesn’t know what it is to love a Stormbird.” Moments later, he was asleep.

Aloy remained awake for a long time. She listened quietly to Nil’s easy breathing and poked honestly at her own feelings.

Nil wasn’t wrong. Aloy had never felt for Avad a fraction of the way she did for Nil. In the three-odd months that she and Avad had been together, she’d been waiting to feel more, hoping to develop the same bone-deep, breathless connection that she shared with Nil. But it had never come. And Aloy never felt that Avad came to know her as deeply as Nil had in the same span of time.

And what about Nil’s assertion that Avad didn’t love her? What if it was true? I don’t mind, Aloy thought. Actually… it would be something of a relief. And that knowledge was jarring. If Aloy didn’t love Avad, and she didn’t particularly care whether he loved her, what was the point?

A long, thoughtful time later, Aloy slid carefully out of the bed and tiptoed over to the blanket on the floor. She picked it up and brought it back to the bed, then carefully arranged it over Nil’s sleeping form.

Then she crawled back onto the bed and slid under the blanket. She snuggled down on her side facing Nil and quietly watched his sleeping profile, admiring his impossibly long eyelashes and his slight frown.

Her mind made up, Aloy finally closed her eyes. She might still be unsure what to do about Nil, but she did know what she needed to do when she returned to the Sundom.